Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The little things.

(Charlie, 4 months old)












Yesterday was Charlie's 8 month birthday. We've decided to celebrate every month since our time with her is short. We celebrated at The Keg, (daddy's choice of course, just milk and atmosphere for Charlie). We've never had any problem taking Charlie to restaurants, she loves looking around and smiling at anything that moves. She especially loves loud places like Subeez and The Keg where the music is blaring, she has a mini dvd player and she just watches Baby Einstein and scopes the place out. We can actually have long lingering dinners, which is usually unheard of with babies...I can count the number of times I've actually had to have a cold meal, on one hand. We feel lucky.


That's something I often wonder/worry about...could I handle a "normal" child? I mean, sometimes I feel that I don't deserve the same props that my friends with "normal" babies do. I've never had to worry about Charlie rolling off the bed, crawling out of the room, not being physically stimulated enough...I never even really had to introduce solids to her. This is all I really know in a baby, it'll be a whole different experience next time around. Honestly, Matt and I often forget that Charlie is different, it's just kind of like she never grew out of the newborn stage...we only recognize the differences when we spend time with friends who have children around the same age...that's when it really sinks in.


It's strange, i'll be handling this really well, just going about my day, when something will just remind me that Charlie won't be here long. Like, there is no talk of the future. Parents talk about the future ALL the time, it's what they/we do "he's just like his father...when he grows up..." or "have you thought about which daycare he will go to?" Or, "she's so beautiful, you're gonna have to keep the boys away". We don't get to follow the milestones...crawling, sitting, walking...instead of progression its regression. I read a quote on a grief website that said, "When you lose a parent, you lose your past...when you lose a child, you lose your future." So true. BUT, I don't feel like this on a regular basis...I just have my moments. Charlie is way to smiley and happy for me to spend my time missing her before she's even gone.


The good news we've received as of lately is that, if Charlie can avoid getting a cold this winter, she could be here until she's 2. Actually, that's GREAT news...especially when we were initially told that she only had a few months to live. We have been making sure to avoid people with colds and we have cracked hands and knuckles from staying heavily sanitized at all times...we are doing whatever it takes. One thing I've noticed through all of this is how many strangers reach into strollers and touch babies faces or hands...I actually think I used to do it too...and it's SO rude. I'm still trying to figure out how I can quickly and nicely say "screw off, don't touch my kid!" before it's too late and they have their germy hands all over her. Suggestions?


We have recently been given the green light from our pediatrician to take Charlie away on her first vacation. We are going to Hawaii for two weeks on March 6th...sooooo excited! Matt's boss bought us our tickets and a friend has lent us their condo...that's another thing about this situation...my faith in human kind has been restored! People have been amazing! Our friends have been so awesome and supportive! They've visited often, made us food, brought us plants and pj's and magazines to the hospital, and toys for Charlie, etc. We are TOTALLY overwhelmed with everyones kindness! Thank you friends!!















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