In two days Charlie turns 22 months old...and, in two months, two years old! I love her, I love her, I love her SO much! I hate this situation we're in but I love that because of it I NEVER take anything Charlie does for granted...everything she does is AMAZING and nothing short of a miracle! Charlie is now saying ball, bubbles, more, mama, dada, who's there, uh-oh, and bye! And now because she's been tasting foods, every time we're out a restaurant she'll hum mmmmmm the entire time we're eating, over and over, not so subtly hinting for a taste. We don't really like to feed her in public because it promotes salivation and she can choke if she's not laying down, so we look like big meanies eating in front of our famished kid that's begging for a bite. But, we don't mind how it looks, we actually love it, and smile with pride, we never ever thought we'd see this day, so she can mmmmmm all she wants! We never thought she'd really talk either, and to be honest, as much as I know that SMA does not affect the brain, It's easy to forget that and think that she doesn't understand what we're talking about or what's going on because she can't really physically reply to us or point at what she wants. When Charlie does something new for the first time, my heart feels like it's going to explode and spew confetti out of my chest...I just want to throw my arms up in the air, scream HALLELUJAH and do a rain dance or something. This kid is sooooo (for lack of a better word) fu#*ing amazing!!!
Sooooo, I found an apartment and I move in ten days. It's bittersweet. Matt and I have both been uptight and I know its because we're worried about not waking up with Charlie every single day. Just thinking about it now breaks my heart, bad. Even if it sounds lame and co-dependant, she's my best friend and pretty much the only person I wanna spend all of my time with. We need each other. But, I know Matt loves her just as much as I do and we're gonna work out a plan that works best for all of us. We're only going to live minutes away from each other so distance won't be an issue. It'll all work itself out, we're just afraid of the unknown.
I recently did the Sun Run and a run for prostate cancer and have plans for another 10k as well as the Canuck Place Adventure Challenge again this year. Since training for the Adventure Challenge last year I've become completely smitten with fitness and group fitness activities. I'm in a running group with a couple of girlfriends, and I go to Canuck Place every Thursday for Crossfit with other parents in similar situations, although we never really discuss our kids, it's just our time to work on ourselves, and I really like and appreciate that. Exercise makes me feel so good in such a stressful time, If I miss a day I feel like I'm melting and worry that I could slip into a funk...I'm addicted to the endorphins. When Charlie was diagnosed something snapped in me...my slogan became: "We Don't Have Anything If We Don't Have Our Health"...and it's true. Who cares how much money you have or how big your house is if you're sick? What good will it do you? That and I need to be fit to properly take care of Charlie...she's about 24 lbs now and cannot support herself at all so just transferring her or putting her in the stroller or tub requires strength, never mind when I wanna pick her up to dance with me! Charlie comes running with me too and she LOVES it! I think she feels like she's running...she sings along to my ipod the entire time and grins from ear to ear, her big front teeth protruding...it's so awesome that we can have that together. I'd really like to work something out where she could come bike riding with me too, but I'm not sure how that would look because I have to be able to keep an eye on her at all times, but I'm working on it.
Life is changing, and it's scary and stressful. BUT, Charlie's happy, growing and thriving, and that really helps keep things in perspective. We're so lucky to have her.
Happy Birthday Charlie Barley!! I love you to the moon and back!